Kerry Eurodyne (
secondconflict) wrote2021-02-05 04:20 pm
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IC Contact for
noctiumrp
RESIDENCE ✦ With Nomad!V
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
Music always gets hammered down to the Three A's.
Axe, Attitude, and Audience. Me, I had an Axe and an Attitude.
All I had to do was get the third one.
INFO ✧ PERMISSIONS ✧ KINKLIST ✧ MUSIC
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You let me fuck your mouth when you thought I'd lost my mind?
[ Up until this point, V'd been apologizing for behaving the way he did because it was bad enough he'd asked for food, had told Kerry plainly he didn't need anybody else. Bad enough that he'd asked for a blowjob and given nothing in return, not even the basic fucking courtesy of acknowledging it was Kerry even doing that for him.
But now? Now his brain's putting puzzle pieces together.
Jesus. How bad he felt before doesn't compare to how bad he feels now. Guilt's all he's got. ]
Ker... fuck. I didn't... everythin' I said to you, did to you... you thought I was a cyberpsycho the whole time you were doin' it all for me?
[ And it's not exactly hard to imagine what that must've felt like. ]
You were scared of me.
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You kill people for a living. And you're fucking good at it. You without the empathy and care is scary.
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[ It's more a pained murmur than anything else.
Problem is, while he would rather die than lay a finger on Kerry, he can't promise that it'd never happen again. He can feel hot, salty tears start to burn at his tear ducts. ]
Don't know how to make this better, Ker. I don't want you to be scared to be around me. Ever.
I don't-- what do ya need me to do to make this right? I'll do it. I'll do anythin'.
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You sound real pathetic right now.
You home?
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[ He doesn't know what to do about everybody he's hurt, and all the damage he caused. What he needs is sleep, desperately, but there's too much to think about. ]
I'm sorry I hurt you. I hate it, hate this. Knowin' how scared you musta been.
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Don't go anywhere.
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And yeah, he looks as pathetic as he sounded. ]
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Well, you look like shit...
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Come here.
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Eventually he just doesn't have the willpower to not bury his face into Kerry's shoulder, arm reaching over to haphazardly wrap around his neck. And unlike last time, everything that contributes to Synchrony is there, where it should be. It's overwhelming, warmth filling places that had until now felt so hollow and cold. ]
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There you are.
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[ It's murmured into the fabric of Kerry's shirt, a guilty confession that's probably not all that much of a surprise at all. Where they are on the floor, V doesn't think he's even got it in him to get up. Everything's caught up to him; what he said, what he did, who he hurt. ]
I hurt you. Ker, 'm so sorry. I'm so fuckin' sorry.
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All he really feels is worry.]
You weren't in yer right mind.
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[ This is the part that V's struggling with the most. The memories are his; he knows they are. He just doesn't recognize a single part of them as things he'd ever want to do. And who paid the price? The people he cares about the most. ]
Just 'cause I never would've done any of it if I hadn't had the chip klepped outta my head... it still happened. You still got those memories in your head. I already caused that trauma.
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[ He's always thought of himself as Kerry's defender. A wall between him and whatever and whoever the fuck's out there that doesn't wish him well. But now? He can't stop thinking about what if's. What if it happens again? What if something worse happens? What if he can't control himself and the one person he really needs to defend Kerry from is himself? ]
And nothin' is gonna make me stop short'a... [ Well, what happened. He trails off and doesn't say the obvious end to that sentence. ]
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Babe, I can feel how worn down ya are. Let's get into bed, 'lright? I'll use some of my world-class cuddlin' skills until we both pass the fuck out.
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[ It's not exactly realistic. Outside of the people he actually knows personally, there's countless people he fought in the various bars and clubs in the Ruby Underground. And he really sounds exhausted, bordering on sounding drunk with how tired he is. ]
Vincent's not even readin' my messages. I fuckin' hit 'im. Told 'im he was jus' like everybody else.
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Okay... Well, with that one I'll help ya. Talk to him first?
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Thanks, but... you know I gotta talk to 'im myself.
'm such a fuckin' gonk.
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Night I went out with Vincent 'n V... for our birthday...
Prob'ly drank more than I should've. [ Playing with one of the rings on Kerry's fingers to distract himself, his jaw tightens a little at the memory. ] I left 'em at the bar 'cause I wanted to come find ya. [ He very clearly remembers thinking about eating cake off of Kerry while he was walking back. ] 'cept I got jumped 'fore I even left the Ruby Underground. Turns out some gangers found out the chip's got some value to it. A lot of value to it. And considerin' how fucked I was, guess I was the easiest target that night.
[ Frowning, he can't help but relive the moment he realized what the gangers had him pinned on the ground for. What they were planning on doing. ]
I was screamin' at 'em not to do it 'til they shut me up. All I knew was if they took it, I'd be done. Dead. Gone. Wasn't gonna see ya, not anybody, again. I was buzzed, too buzzed to take that many of 'em on. So they took it outta my head, left me in some alley. I don't know. Johnny said there's security footage of it. Don't think I wanna see it.
What showed up here few days after that was me. Just... me 'thout a neural network that worked like it did before. It broke somethin'. Ker, I barely felt anythin' when I saw ya last. It just didn't... I couldn't get to it. Didn't even know somethin' was missin'. All I could feel was this... rage 'bout somethin'. And scared. Fuckin' scared o' somethin' followin' me. I was so fuckin' convinced you were all against me. It felt so real.
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[The idea of V being so lost was heartbreaking. Kerry also felt guilt for being so wrapped up in his own fear to be of any real help. At least Johnny had been able to get V back to himself.
It really does sound like something close to cyberpsychosis too, which means the chip is once again fucking over V's life.]
Is it weird that I fuckin' hate that thing in your head, even though without it we wouldn't have met? Can't imagine my life without you now, but still wish you never cause to stick that fuckin' thing inside of your skull.
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